Every school has them. Some are during the school day; some are after; and for the special ones, some are even on weekends. They occupy your mind as a teacher for the weeks preceding, then haunt you for months afterwards. They are parent teacher conferences, and if you’ve been on “both sides of the desk” so to speak, you know conferences mean different things to the two involved parties.
For the majority of teachers, parent teacher conferences are stressful, not due to having to talk with parents (good teachers do this regularly, courtesy of email), but rather due to the observation, preparation and follow through involved. Think it’s just ten to fifteen minutes when teachers state basic observations and thoughts on your child? Think again. Here is what really goes into parent teacher conferences and how you as a teacher can get through them with greater ease.

But first, the parental side:

The majority of parents tend to view parent teacher conferences as a time to chat with their child’s teacher about academic as well as classroom behavioral performance. Parents anticipate these conferences, hoping to see examples of their child’s work (which often times does not make it on the journey from the classroom to the refrigerator), and eager to hear how well their child is doing. Nobody wants or likes to hear the negatives. (Here’s a tidbit for  parents out there: the truth is, teachers don’t like to say the negatives just as much as you don’t like to hear them. Even the jaded veteran teachers do not get any sort of pleasure out of telling a parent that his or her child is not meeting expectations. It truly is one of the least enjoyable parts of the job). For most parents, these ten to fifteen minute conferences are more anticipated than happy hour on a Friday when the kids are away, so most teachers feel a lot of pressure to make this time count. Parents look forward to and hang onto the information given in these few golden moments, so it is important to take that into consideration, as you the teacher prepare for the big day.

Now for the teacher’s side:

WHEN YOU SHOULD START PREPARING
Your side of parent teacher conferences starts on the first day of school when you learn the homelife of the children you are teaching. Many children do not come from a home with two married parents, so as a teacher, it is imperative to know with whom your student lives and who has legal responsibility. Imagine how embarrassing it would be to sit down at a conference and say “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Your son is such a joy”, only to have the man and woman in front of you exchange disgusted glances and the woman respond with: “We’re Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Billy Smith is my nephew and is in our custody because my brother, Mr. Smith, is in jail”. How on earth would you as a teacher recover from this potentially catastrophic disaster? It’s best to avoid issues like this by knowing the home lives of your students. One easy technique that comes in handy when conferences arrive is to have students complete a notecard on the first day of school stating their names and the people with whom they live. Keep these cards in a safe place and bring them with you to conferences so you can peek at them before families arrive. That way, the aforementioned conference fiasco could go something like this: “Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Billy speaks highly of you, and I look forward to working with you as we help him through this year”. Crisis averted!

THE ACTUAL PREPARATIONS
Preparations for parent teacher conferences vary in private and public schools. Public schools have required paperwork that teachers are to complete in a timely manner so as to track a student’s progress. That way, when conferences arrive, teachers can easily display a student’s abilities. Private and prep schools are different. Some have required protocol for teachers to follow in regards to student progress, while others have rather loose suggestions as to what to discuss during these conferences. How you prepare for these conferences depends on your school’s individual requirements, but there is one thing you can do that can be beneficial in both the public and private sector: keep a simple daily class journal. You don’t have to go into great detail but rather can note the important events that could be of use later on. For example, your daily journal could consist of just a few lines of information in the same format for each day and appear like this:

Monday, Oct. 16
Didn’t volunteer in class today: Jessica, Billy, Lisa
Called out without raising hand: Luke
Eager to respond: Alice, Bobby, Martha, Eliza
Behavioral concerns: ______________ for _______________
Showed improvement from yesterday: Alice, Jeffrey, Stanley, Maura.

Filling these short entries out at the end of the day can take 5-8 minutes of your time and can be of great use during conferences, when you can physically show parents that there is a trend with their child, for which you can then provide positive solutions. It may seem tedious and silly at the time to take such notes, but for many teachers, it can be immensely beneficial.

About a week before the conference, compile information about students in an orderly fashion so you don’t have to scramble at the last minute. File folders work well for this, and that way, you can not only have the information at your fingertips but also ensure a more professional appearance to the parent, which is especially important in prep school, where parents shell out big bucks for their child’s education. In those cases, crisp professionalism is especially essential because it is parents who generate your paycheck!

THE NIGHT BEFORE
Relax: you’ve done all the preparatory observation, taken your notes and organized information about each student, so calm down: tomorrow will be fine. One last quick check to ensure things are in order should be all you have to do. The one big thing NOT to do the night before parent teacher conferences is drink alcohol (to excess…or really, at all). You might be tempted to have a beer or five to reward your hard work in preparing for the big day ahead, but think twice about it: do you really want to have a headache while talking to parents or potentially have an aroma cloud of tequila surrounding you? You’ll need to be on your A-game with laser-like focus and alcohol will only be bad in this situation. If anything, wait until after conferences are done to open that bottle of wine or guzzle that Jagermeister taking up space in your freezer. Work hard, play hard in that order!

THE BIG DAY
Obviously, you’ll want to dress nicely and remember to wear deodorant. You’re prepared and ready at this point, with your notes all set and script ready in your mind (your school will give out pointers on key phrases to say to parents and how to word even the most challenging of criticisms). You’ve likely read through numerous articles on how to talk to parents, how to share relevant information about children and how to provide solutions to any issues. What you need now is to hear real stuff! Here are two real world things that will save you on the day of conferences and provide all you need to have to ensure a good day:

1) Mints. Have some mints (not gum) next to you at all times and freshen your breath between conferences. You may have time to sneak a few sips of coffee or tea in between conferences and will want to ensure you don’t have dragon breath when the next parents come to meet you. Foul breath never makes a good impression, so try to avoid it altogether. Mints will also help you keep from getting dry mouth, which can be an issue since you will be doing a LOT of talking during the conferences. You will prevent having a scratchy, sore throat by chomping on a mint every now and again and will be grateful later for it.

2) Water. Ensure you have a bottle of water with you, because as mentioned, you will be doing a lot of talking and will inevitably end up parched several times throughout the day. Hydration is important and can help keep you comfortable, so grab a bottle and keep it close: you’re going to need it.

With your water, mints, student information and reassuring calm demeanor (and your winning smile), parent teacher conferences will go smoothly. Remember: do the legwork ahead of time, and you’ll be just fine!

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